Time for a yardstick check...

I have been pondering a lot this past month or so on Repentance, Forgiveness and Being Non- Judgemental. Yes I think they all go hand in hand and I am sure it is because a lot of our church meetings have been focused on these things. I have never felt like I was one to hold a grudge or one who really judged others - but it has been amazing to me this past month as I have been focussed on it how much I see it in myself and how hard it is to change. I guess it is progress that I am actually seeing it, so that I can fix it, but it is not easy.
It is focussed really only on a couple of people, but I realize the more I dwell on it, the more power it gives them over my happiness and peace of mind. It is hard to forgive and let go some of the really hurtful things and or maddening things, but in the end, who is it really hurting? They could care less how I feel about them - so it only hurts me to feel anger, resentment etc. I was thinking about a book I read awhile ago 'The Peacegiver' by Robert Farrell... in it the comment is made, that when you do not forgive someone, you are in effect saying that the atonement and price paid by our Savior was not enough for them. They need to pay more. Pretty profound and unsettling! I think it is human nature to want to see someone punished for whatever they have done in a way we deem appropriate, but that is not the way it works... it is between them and the Lord and we are to forgive and move on. Also, I think, would I really want what I deserve immediately or do I want  some mercy? I definitely need the mercy... and so do others.
As I have been pondering these things and trying to find a way to let go and forgive and actually find some love in my heart for these people, I have come across many facebook posts that center around these things and also scriptures... (amazing how that works eh?) here are a few that have really touched me:

"I have in mind the charity that impels us to be sympathetic, compassionate, merciful, not only in times of sickness, affliction, distress but also in times of weakness or error on the part of others. There is a serious need for the charity that gives attention to those who are unnoticed, hope to those who are discouraged, aid to those whoare afflicted.True charity is love in action.The need for charity is everywhere." Thomas S. Monson



No matter who you are - some will love you, some will hate you, and some won't care about you either way. Don't lose sleep over the haters! In fact, smile and be nice to them. They have already been served their punishment - being hateful is such a crappy way to live.

When nobody around you seems to measure up, it's time to check your yardstick.

"Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:

And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you." --Ephesians 4:31-32

Anyway... I have a lot to work on. I really think I am a loving person with a loving heart - I think this has just been the first time it has really been tried and I didn't do so well on the test!! So I am studying up and will do better for those to come and try to do the makeup work on this last one!!
When ever I am venting to Greg about something he always asks with a hint of panic in his voice "Did you say that or were you just thinking that?" He is good at keeping his thoughts to himself (too good) and I am... not so much! I tend to be the kind of person where what you see is what you get! Although I have told him that I don't say a 3rd of what I am actually thinking!! My goal is to not be thinking those things, let alone saying them. I am responsible for me and my thoughts and feelings, not them and theirs! I am striving for a kinder, more gentler me - I know... those of you who know me are thinking..'Finally - but good luck!!" so... thanks for the good luck wishes in advance! I know I need them!