Do I beleive?

Do I believe? If asked that by anyone I would say absolutely. Do my words and actions show that I believe to the world? More importantly, do they show that I believe to my Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ? During my church meetings this morning I reflected on these questions. During one class the topic was 'Character' and what did that actually mean? I think what it comes down to is who you really are inside and who you are when know one else is watching. These thoughts began the questioning within myself as to who am I really and who am I showing my Heavenly Father that I am? Am I someone He can trust? I can't honestly say that I was happy with all my answers! In the next class we discussed 'Turning Points' the times in our lives when we are tried and tested and decide we are all in... we absolutely believe in our Savior and in His teachings and we choose to follow Him and do as He has commanded. Or... we are out. We find the gray and the excuses as to why we can't accept or follow or why it is just to hard. We read in John 5 and 6. Talking about the miracles and teachings of our Savior with His disciples and followers. Specifically in John 6:43-69. The Savior is explaining that He is the 'bread of life', He is The Son of God, it is by following Him with exactness that we can have life eternal, it is by doing the will of our Heavenly Father. His disciples and followers murmured saying 'this is an hard saying; who can hear it?' to which the Savior replies 'doth this offend you?' And to that end some of them could not believe His words and were offended and left Him, choosing not to follow Him. He then turns to the twelve disciples and asks them 'Will ye also go away?' and Peters reply...'Lord, to whom shall we go? thou hast the words of eternal life. And we believe and are sure that thou art that Christ, the Son of the living God.'
Powerful stuff! As I sat reflecting on those words and how they pertain to me and my life, I pictured all of the counsel that I have heard spoken from the mouths of the Lord's prophets and disciples, from the scriptures, from lessons etc. I thought of the 'hard' truths that have been spoken and testified of in the recent years and of the many that have chosen to walk away and not give credence to counsel given, and pictured the Savior turning to me and saying 'will ye also go away?' How I wish my absolute answer could be as Peters, ' to whom shall I go?' I reflected on what would stop me from saying those words and meaning them with my whole heart. What counsel have I chosen to not take to heart, do I follow the things I believe to be true with exactness? I can't say that I do. I am not saying I am a horrible person and that I am willfully disobeying or sinning at will. I do have a testimony of my Savior, I do believe in the gospel of Jesus Christ. I do try to make right choices, however, I have also let there be a few gray areas in my life that should not be gray at all. I have justified certain behaviors that are not in accordance with what I have been taught. It comes down to... Do I believe - truly believe? Do I believe enough to do the things that I have been asked to do - with exactness? I have real desire to be able to answer 'Lord, to whom shall I go, I believe. I am sure that thou art that Christ, the Son of the living God. Therefore I will follow thee, you can trust me.'
I have some work to do, and I will begin right now, this minute to follow the best I can, with exactness the things I know to be true. I am sure I will have need to repent often and begin again... but I will, because I do have testimony of the truthfulness of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I do believe that He is my Savior, my exemplar and my brother. I want to be with my family in eternity and dwell with my Heavenly Father. I want to be who I was sent here to be, fulfilling my potential and being known as someone with great character and integrity.