I have always thought that one of my gifts was the ability to have faith and believe. I think I have been through some pretty hard things in my lifetime, things that required a lot of faith... and yet here I am, the chips are down (is that an appropriate saying when talking about faith?!) and I am struggling to keep the faith alive.
I wonder if I was more prepared when facing the other trials than I am now and if that is the cause for the struggle or if this, in a totally different way, is just a tougher challenge for me period. I really don't know the answer to that!
I had a sweet friend remind me recently of Sariah in the Book of Mormon being in the wilderness for 8 years and wondering how many times she wondered 'when will this end?' For a moment that gave me much needed perspective, and yet in the face of this particular challenge I find myself thinking "that may have been easier! If we were just on our own with only our family to worry about in a wilderness, we would probably be okay!" How is that for some really off perspective?! It's figuring out how to continue on in the world we live in that I am not sure of.
I have read so many articles on faith and finding strength in the Lord, yet they all seem to emphasize (and rightly so) preparing for the trials of your faith by shoring up your testimony now. So... if you are in the midst (or hopefully at the end) of a trial and are running low, how do you find what you need to endure? How do you find the strength to be the rock others lean on when you would really rather be that twig just floating down the stream? Today... I don't know!
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I was talking to a friend just today about her life (which includes abuse, divorce, horrible health problems, betrayal, bankruptcy and "normal" life stuff. She was talking about some days when the beam of light doesn't reach far enough you just pray and then step into the dark. You hope the light then turns on and often it doesn't but you still then pray and step into the dark.
Then you call a friend and go to lunch. (That last part I added)
see... now my life isn't that bad! There is some perspective!! I guess I just never thought there would have to be so much 'blind' faith and stepping into the dark! I would absolutely love to go to lunch - when is the question... what days are good for you?
Sheri I love you so much!
Rock or twig, it doesn't really matter. You are succeeding right now!
It isn't my goal in life just to endure afflictions. But to endure them WELL. I want to be the one sipping lemonade right in the middle of the refiner's fire. I am not very good at it....yet:) I have much to learn. But I am hopeful. And grateful. And that makes all the difference.
I think perhaps the key isn't just faith--it's hope, that "perfect brightness of hope".
When we are struggling with challenges certain little phrases come into my heart--"and it came to pass" is one of them. A good friend who was a widow at a very young age said reading that in the Book of Mormon always brought her great comfort--just knowing it didn't say "and it came to stay".
Remember you are never alone.
Hugs.
I always think of that silly movie, Santa Claus is Coming to Town. When the Winter Wizard or whatever is turning good and they sing the song, " Put one foot in front of the other and soon you'll be walking cross the floor etc." I know, RANDOM! But I think of that when I think I can't go one more minute.
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